What Being Poly has done to Enrich my life

I have been “out of the closet” as a polyamorous person for about 6 years now.   During this time I have had many ideas and fantasies of what poly would do for me, but what it has brought me most was a surprise to me and not what I expected. Then again, since I’m really more of a community person and I spend my life seeking community I should not have been surprised.

One thing being openly poly has given me is the freedom to explore my true connections with someone and not make it more or less of it than it really is or rush into anything. This process has given me a close network of very intimate friends more than a network of lovers.  I have come to really enjoy this and it gives me a better perspective on my attractions to people. I tend to find a few people here and there that I get pretty fixated with and attracted to each year.  If I were single with most of these folks then I might try to pursue a relationship with them, but since I am not single, and am secure in my current relationships, I really have no strong drive to jump into another sexual relationship with anyone unless it is right and has some good potential for a lasting future.  I also do not want to make anyone uncomfortable along the way.  For this I have no issues waiting until we are all sure about what we want and feel about each other and have that based on better information and knowledge of who each other truly is.  This gives me time to connect better as friends and see how or if we really do connect. What I find though this is that as I get to know them better the fixation usually wears off and I learn why a relationship with them would not be a good idea.  I also get to learn a good healthy place to be with them.  Sometimes though it leads to a very good and close friendship because the process allows me to be more honest and close than is normally considered acceptable.  And on even rarer occasions... well never mind.

So what poly actually gives me is not so much the opportunity to have multiple lovers, but the opportunity to connect deeper and more real with folks that grab my attention without any imposed barriers on where it could go that normal monogamy would have.  That process allows me to enjoying being openly affectionate and flirtatious with folks who I am attracted to without feeling the need to go further in a way that is healthy and non threatening to current partners while I figure out what/if I do really want from them (all with open communication and consent from all parties of course). In the process and  ONLY because I am taking my time, I can find the true and best balance with that person.  It also allows me more real and safer connections. If I were doing the serial monogamy thing I might end up with more intimate relationships with folks that I probably should not go there with, and may have to back track later to find a healthy place to balance.  But since I have the freedom to explore the reality with no pressure for more, then a more real and appropriate connection can come from it.  The reality is my fixations usually wear off as I get to know them better and I end up with closer friends than if there were no possibilities in the first place since I already have a partner.  Often what comes out of this is a great and close friend not only for me but for my other partners as well. Perhaps in this way as well I end up with a community of close friends with community being the key word not a few shallow friends and a partner/lover.


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